I Cried Today

I cried today.
I cried for someone
I never met--
for someone who
never existed,
except in imagination--
the imagination of
the writer, the actor, the director.
I cried for her past
and for her present.
I cried for her
yet I cannot cry for me.
I cannot cry my own pain.
I cannot heal my own aches,
the pain I feel--
resentment
anger
bitterness
all for the one
who was supposed to love me.

Anger Burns

I left him behind
But he still finds his way.
Eighteen years of anger
has built up inside of me.
Eighteen years of anger
no one has ever seen.
Though he's not been here
in five blessed years
he still finds ways
to add fuel to the flame
and still my anger burns on.
Old anger and new anger
burning through my soul.
Tears cannot quench
for he taught me well not to cry.
And so in my desert heart
the fire rages on.

Mom's Dead

My nose is stuffy.
My thoat is sore.
My head hurts
all the more.
My eyes burn.
My muscles are heavy.
There is no concern
for me as I lie in bed
exhausted and aching
from my foot to my head.
Forsaken and forlorn
Alone in bed waiting
for those I've borne
to recall the years
I cared for them
through sickness and tears.
But alas, they still demand
though I'm weak and tired
standing firm as quick sand.
So I cover my head,
close my eyes,
and tell them I'm dead.

We start here

I'm currently lying here in bed with my laptop, iPod, cell phone, and all 3 of my dogs. It's 3:30 a.m., I have not been to sleep, and I have to be at work at 6 a.m. I've had going through my mind ways of making money from home and how to make it unique. I've also been thinking about writing and getting my stuff out there. My problem is I have spent so much time reading about it and not enough time doing it. My girlfriend is also on my mind. Nothing specifically about her but thinking about her all the same. I wrote a very short poem and had the dogs out twice. I wondered what to write here. It will probably be a mix of stories, poetry, and journaling. For now, I'm taking my electronic collection and going to try to sleep for an hour. Night.